Friday, August 12, 2011

Twitter Etiquette: The Do's and Don'ts to public tweeting (or) why some people should only be allowed to use snail mail

Hi friends,

Hope you're all having a wonderful day!

I thought I would take a few minutes to share some things with you all that has truly bothered me today.  As you know, today is Friday and that means "#Follow Friday" in the twitter world.  Honestly, Im SO grateful that each of you takes the time to actually sit down and mention me, and try to warn your other followers just what they are about to get themselves into when they click that follow @theonlyjgrant button ;)  BUT at the same time I think #FF has lost its true meaning. WHO truly does ANYTHING other than say "thank you" to the person who sent it? Do you really follow any of them?  Wouldn't you get more bang for your buck by listing ONE person at a time and actually tell me WHY I should follow them? hmmmmm   things to ponder!


And without further delay, please allow me to hop up on my Twitter soap box and clear up a few things for those who seem to be confused.....

Jay's first twitter issue: Using Twitter as a means to sell/spam/beg for money etc etc, anything you feel the need to push on your followers....

There are hundreds of social media outlets out there today.  Personally, I don't think twitter is the place to come to "PUSH" your products.  We call that SPAM.  and we ALL know how annoying the "BOTS" are.  If you are an unsigned music artist, and you want your followers to see your goods, try this: Put your shit on youtube and pray for Ellen to find it like so many others before you have done.  Give us something to check out FOR FREE with the option to buy.  and more importantly, don't hound ANYONE to buy it.  NOT COOL!  I assure you, I follow MANY indie artists and you bet your ass that if I am suggesting them, its because I like their music and I believe in them.  NOT because I am gaining anything from it.  Lee Gibson is a perfect example.  Lee has NEVER asked me to push his music.  He's NEVER asked me to buy ANY of it.  If you see me mention Lee or his music, Its because I like the song and I think you will too!  I already know that I can pop on over to Itunes and buy it.  Trust me, I own (and have paid for) ALL of his available music.

I bring this up because I have actually had an artist POINT OUT the fact that they KNEW I hadn't bought any of their stuff because they were watching the sales from Itunes and it hadn't changed.  TO THE ARTIST: your numbers didn't change because I could tell from the samples that I didn't like the music.  The next time you try to push it on me, I will be SURE to point out the fact that you sound like a dying cat and I KNOW why you're not signed to a label. YOU SUCK (that IS my opinion)   PS, when a REAL industry person tries to tell you that your methods of tweeting and pushing your music are only causing your followers to get pissed and feel uncomfortable, you should listen!  not get cocky!  The fact that you have any followers left is beyond me!  AND, if you're having to tweet your "sales" over and over and over all day, that's probably a good indication that nobody wants it anyway #justSaying (enjoy the hash-tag)



And now for my BIG issue of the day! INAPPROPRIATE tweeting:

There are a couple of words you need to know before we go further.  The first one is OBLIGATION
Dictionary.com defines obligation as this: ob.li.ga.tion; (noun) Something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc...

the next word needs to be looked up at urbandictionary.com  GHERM; someone who slavishly follows and sucks up to a celebrity. A fan to excessive degree. Usually applied to one who makes people uncomfortable by their adoration

YOU DO NOT EVER WANT TO BE A GHERM!

Now before I go further, Let me say this; If you think that I am talking about you here, chances are, you might be right.  I assure you I am NOT doing it to be ugly or hateful, I am simply trying to help you out.  ALSO, This is NOT something thats happened due to ONE person  Trust me, I have a few.  This whole blog, in fact, Is coming from a conversation I had earlier today with a well known actress about an incident yesterday involving her, a gherm, and another well known actor. (names WILL be changed to protect the innocent) :D

Name dropping on twitter is NEVER ok!!!  there is, however, appropriate ways to say hello.  Lets look at a couple of examples.....

NOT OK-

"hey reba, can I get a follow? you follow (@name) and I want you to follow me" (read; OBLIGATION)

"hey Dolly, can you follow me back PLZ, I'm a friend of (@name) they will tell you i'm good"

THIS IS TOTALLY OK

"Hey Kenny, just wanted to say HI!  (@name) told me I should follow you and they have good taste.  Nice to meet you"

"any friend of @name's is a friend of mine! look forward to reading your tweets in my timeline"

"@name told me to follow and I always listen!"


begging for a follow is NEVER ok- celebrity or not.   asking for a retweet is never ok- this causes one of two things.  It causes them to completely ignore you out of fear of opening a flood gate, or it makes them feel obligated to follow you.....NOBODY wants to feel obligated.  You think you're having a hard time getting their attention, imagine how you will feel once they UNFOLLOW you after you've annoyed the shit out of their timeline and BLOWN UP their direct message box.  NEVER COOL

For years, Celebrities have wanted a way to SAFELY connect with their fans.  Twitter has shown to be an amazing outlet for that.  but just like there is crazy people in the real world, there are crazy people on twitter.  and acting like this is WHY a lot of celebs DONT follow you back and DONT tweet you   its like opening Pandora's Box.

Many of you know my background.  Let me give you some words of advice on behalf of those in the spotlight.  (this coming from someone who hasn't been in the spotlight, but stood beside it)  \

If you want to "friend" your favorite celebrity, YOU MUST TREAT THEM LIKE ANY OTHER NORMAL HUMAN   -because they are!  If you want their attention, say hi to them, be funny with them, be short and sweet. Leave them enough room to "quote" retweet you, and make sure its something that they can put in their timeline.  I promise you that an Oak Ridge Boy would NEVER retweet a tweet with the words "motha fukka" in it.  use common sense.  take that shit over to Flavor Flavs timeline.  Use your brain :)


At the end of the day, the friendships I have with these people are SO much better than ANY autograph you could ever get.  It might surprise you to know, Ive never asked for a follow back or a retweet from any of these people.  and in return, you would be surprised JUST how many of them not only follow me, but we have exchanged phone numbers and actually text back and forth as much as we tweet each other.  The trust that they have given me and the friendships I have made, FAR outweigh ANY autograph, random tweet or cyber "high-five" I could ever get.  and how have I made these friendships, SIMPLE   I've talked to them as friends   NOT as "stars"  And I've never hounded them.


To close this out, I ask ONE thing of you..... PLEASE do NOT use my name or ANYONE else's name to gain the attention of ANYONE.  It makes me feel uncomfortable and also puts me on the spot.  One place I HATE to be.  If you want to include me in saying hello, do that.  Say hi, tell them I told you to follow, and let it go.  DO NOT annoy these people and throw my name into the fire.  I WILL call you out on it. Not only will it get you unfollowed by me, you can bet your sweet ass that they will have a DM waiting on them from me telling them how pissed I am that you used my name to get their attention.


Ok, I'm off the soap box now, and I feel much better.  I hope this doesn't offend anyone because thats NOT my intentions.....on the other hand, if you ARE offended, chances are you're a gherm anyway.   SHAME ON YOU!   Tweet yall later!


Monday, July 11, 2011

Life Lessons Life with Michael

Hey yall!

What a week its been!!  Most of you reading this already know me, so I wont bore you with useless information about myself. ;)   Most of you also know that I lost a VERY dear friend this week.  I figured this would be a good way for me to introduce all of you to him, and in some ways, tell the "world" his story and how he impacted my life.

Back in 1998, I started working for the actress Dixie Carter.  Its nothing I planned on doing, and surely wasn't something I ever thought I would do.  Turns out, I was pretty darn good at it!  Some of you may be wondering how Dixie plays into my story of Michael, but trust me, the two of them are tied together....more than either of them probably ever knew.   From here on, I will probably refer to "Dixie" as Mrs H.  Obviously the "H" is for Holbrook and that is what we called her.   Mrs H. was born here in McLemoresville TN in the same house that is now her estate.   Even though she lived in New York and Los Angeles, Carroll County was and always will be her home.  Trust me when I tell you its a small place!

So in 1998, a friend and customer of our restaurant comes to me and asks "are you star struck?"    Am I star struck?  what kind of question is that?  Why NO!!  So with that, Bill (her groundskeeper/handy man) asks me if I would mind helping him out later that week and being at the house when he arrived with her.  I was supposed to watch the house, listen for the Towncar to arrive and come outside to greet her, help her out of the car, then help with the luggage (She was coming home to TN for the Christmas holidays)  Long story short, what was supposed to be a one night "job" turned into a decade long employment and friendship that I will be forever thankful for.   Now, even though I was her personal assistant, it wasn't a full time job.  I only went to "work" when she was home here in Tennessee.  Instead of her assistant traveling with her, she simply had staff both here and in Cali.  This is where Memphis and Michael come into play....


In 1999, I decided I was tired of living in the sticks and made the hour and a half move south west to Memphis!  My first job down there was at Hollywood casino in tunica, and I quickly lost interest in that!  One night, while out at the local "club" with my friends, I meet a guy who was originally from Poplar Bluff MO and used to cut Linda Bloodworth's lawn. (Linda is the creator of Designing Women)  It obviously gave us tons to talk about once I mentioned the fact that I was Mrs. H's PA.   5 minutes in to our conversation, he takes me to meet the owner of the bar, who he tells me is a HUGE Dixie Carter fan and within the hour, I was the newest employee at Backstreet Memphis.      Nightclub Bartending job  SCORE!!

Working at the club sounds like a kick ass job right?  well, true it has its up sides, but it also had its bad sides.  I can tell you, if you DO work in a gay bar, and you ARE the one dishing out the drinks you tend to get pretty popular pretty fast.  If you throw in the fact that the bar tender ALSO works for Julia Sugarbaker and has access to her 24-7, that popularity SKY ROCKETS and before you know it, you have friends coming at you in ALL directions!  and yes, I SOAKED UP EVERY SECOND OF IT!!  Who wouldn't?

Working in the bar saved my life.  Notice there is no" PROBABLY saved my life in that sentence"...It did!   see, all week long, most people get up, go to work, slave away monday to friday,  get off friday at 5 and haul ass to the house so they can get ready to go out.... They got to the club, then spent all that money they made that week, trying to have a good time.  This WAS my job   I wasn't there to spend money...I was making it.   Being behind that bar saved my life in more ways than one.  I can NOT tell you how many good friends I watched get lost in the drug scene.   Cocaine flowed like wine, and in the gay community, more people did it than didn't.  I was at work..... had I not been, who's to say I wouldn't have been in those lines waiting to get into the bathroom so that I could snort a line with my "friends".   Lucky me....   Another "lifesaver" is the fact that with drunken drug induced fits also comes random and rampant sex.  Sex in the bathrooms, sex in the "dark" places, sex in the parking lot and sex with whomever you picked up and took home that night.  Now I'm not saying I am an angel, far from it in fact....But if you ever go out and think that the bartender is HOT and you wanna take him home, get ready to WAIT FOR IT  he he he....  we closed at 6 am.  This means that anyone trying to "pick me up" had to wait until 7:30 or 8am waiting for me to get finished closing up the bar, stocking coolers and sweeping the dance floor..... how "worked up" are you once the drinks wear off, the music stops and the God awful "ugly" lights come on, and you finally walk outside only to realize its DAYLIGHT!  yeah we didn't get as much action as one might think....

Working in the bar has kept me mostly drug free and has kept my HIV status at a big ole NEGATIVE.  Watch one of your good friends get arrested and his new Jaguar get seized and see how much cocaine you want... Watch one of your friends get SO messed up on ecstasy that he winds up cheating on his partner and ruining the trust of a 5 year relationship and see how much "X" you want....  more importantly, hold the hand of a good friend as he lays in a hospital bed dying from AIDS as his body literally eats itself alive and see how much random sex you want....  Watching all these things from behind the bar changed my life and the way I look at almost everything.

So Jay, what could all this possibly have to do with Michael and Cystic Fibrosis and how he became a part of your life??  Well, I'm glad you asked.  This is where Michael walks into my life.  I had been working at the bar for a couple of years, made hundreds of friends and even a few CLOSE friends.   Out of the hundreds of people I would meet on a weekly basis, only a handful of those would truly stand up and make an impact on my life....Michael was one of those few.   I had never heard of Cystic Fibrosis and had NO idea what kind of toll it would take on the body and how it affected the thousands of people that are diagnosed with it each year.

Cystic Fibrosis, or CF, is a common recessive genetic disease that affects the entire body, causing disability and often a very early death.  It causes difficulty breathing, Lung infections, sinus infections, poor growth and infertility just to name a few.  Life expectancy for CF is anywhere from early to mid 20's to late 30's.  In Michael's case, his magic number was 27.   TWENTY SEVEN years old!    Michael had two brothers.  The oldest one, Andy, was born without CF.  The middle son, John, (who looked more like Michael's twin) was born WITH CF and we buried him at 20.  Watching Michael go through all this completely ripped my soul out of my chest. Not only did he lose his brother, he also knew his own fate wasn't far behind that of John's.

Over the next few years, Michael and I grew EXTREMELY close.  we were almost inseparable.  If I was at work, Michael was there helping me stock the bar or take out trash.  If I was off, Michael was at the house, piled up on the couch watching TV with me, or bitching at me about how hungry he was and trying to sucker me into going to Barnhill's so that he could tear up the buffet. NOBODY can or could EVER eat like he could!  DEAR GOD he packed it away and to this day I have NO idea where it all went.  He finally moved himself and his family into the same apartment complex that I was in, and started working with me at the bar.

He was Skittles.   That's the nickname we quickly gave him, although I personally thought he looked like Cindy Brady and called him that!  he he he.... he hated it!   In 2004, I went to work (daytime) for a friend of mine who had decided to open a restaurant, and Michael came right along with me.  Now not only were we neighbors and bar workers, all of the sudden we were now working for Lenny's Sub Shop during the day.   He LOVED it.  ...and he was DAMN good at it.  His people skills were amazing.  He always greeted you with a warm smile, a cheery personality and never showed it if he was in a bad mood.  Everyone who met him, loved him.  and rightly so.

Keeping a (normal) job was sometimes hard for him.  Michael would randomly have to be admitted into the hospital, usually for weeks at a time.  Day after day of breathing treatments, "patting his back" to loosen Flem, and Handful's of pills EVERYDAY to be able to digest his food.  But every time, Michael  bounced back and came back to us better than ever before.  The bar and Lenny's were good for him.  Obviously as friends, we understood his condition, and we all pulled together to cover his shifts and pick up the slack when he was in the hospital.  He went so often that we all stopped thinking about what would eventually happen, and began to take it for granted that he always came back to us better than ever.   We all knew that one day he wouldn't come back, but we never thought it was THIS time.

Country singer, Tammy Cochran, lost both of her brothers at a very young age to CF, and wrote a song for them that sent her flying across the country charts.  "Angels in waiting" is now known world-wide and played over and over in memory of those who lose their battle with CF, and in closing ceremonies at most all Cystic Fibrosis functions.  I learned about the story behind the song one day when Michael walked in the house and it was playing on the radio.  He started to cry and asked if I would turn it off, then he told me the story.  Today, I'm so thankful for the song, and thankful that Tammy put her own story and heartbreak out there as a memorial to all those who lose their battle each year.  It will forever be a part of my life, and it will always be a reminder to me that Michael is in a much better place now where he can do something that he never got to do here on earth.....breathe.   One of the parts of the song says "They were angels in waiting, waiting for wings to fly from this world, away from their pain. Treasuring time, till time came to leave, leaving behind, sweet memories, Angels in waiting, Angels in waiting for wings"

On Monday, July 4, 2011, Michael got his wings.   He took his last ragged breath here on earth, fell asleep and woke up to take his first deep breath at the side of our Lord.  I wish I could have seen his face once he finally felt that.  Today I know, Heaven is a MUCH better place with his smile lighting up every room, and his love overflowing and spilling out onto everyone that meets him.  That is something I will miss for the rest of my life, and at the same time, feel every day that I live.  with every breath I take.  Michael changed my life in so many ways, and I will forever carry him inside my heart and soul, and I will try to live his life through my own.

So in closing, I ask of you this....  Take time today to tell just ONE person in your life what they mean to you.  Even if they already know it.  Be the sun that lights up someones darkness, and take ONE deep breath in memory of Michael.  The first one is his..... Then take another deep breath for every person out there who's lost the fight against CF, and the ones fighting it on a daily basis.  You never know when that special person will take their last breath, and God knows I would give ANYTHING to hug him one more time and reassure him how much I love him.  .....even though I know that he already knows it.

 Michael Cory Overton
March 31, 1984  July 4, 2011




For more information on Cystic Fibrosis, or ways that you can help the fight, please visit www.CFF.org

check out Tammy Cochran's "Angels in Waiting" on Itunes and youtube

.Cystic Fibrosis Foundation